Commando (1985) 3.14/5 (1)


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Rating: The Ugly – 62.2
Genre: Action
Duration: 90 mins
Director: Mark L. Lester
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rae Dawn Chong, Dan Hedaya

It’s not easy to fully describe how utterly stupid this movie is. From the beyond lame opening montage of Arnie and his (on screen) daughter feeding deer and frolicking in slow motion to the willful buffoonery of what is passed for the plot, the ham-fisted dialogue to the cardboard characters, the shabbiness of Schwarzenegger’s still unpolished acting to Vernon Wells’ outrageous turn as the chief villain, this movie is a case of the ridiculous being piled on top of the ridiculous. Of course, as a pure action vehicle straight out of the mid eighties (when Hollywood had the genre down to a fine art), it works despite all of this! Cheese it may be, but nostalgic high octane cheese it remains. Everyone involved dives in head first and there’s a genuine sense of fun to the proceedings even as the cast are rattling out some of the worst lines in screenwriting history – seriously! The set pieces are great bang for their buck and although Wells’ Bennett counts as the most ludicrous movie villains, it’s an undeniably addictive performance. All this makes Commando one of the ultimate guilty pleasure movie experiences. So do like the cast and crew do and just dive in head first and start laughing.

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